For a lucky few, today will be a day of roses, champagne and a romantic candlelit dinner. For the rest of us? Just one more failure by the man in our life to suitably demonstrate his love and affection.
A few weeks ago, I announced a “Bad Gift Contest,” and the response was overwhelming. Who knew there were so many clueless men out there? Oh, wait, we did. That’s why we ran the contest in the first place.
A number of contest entries fell into “romance-kill,” or “useful,” category.
Marilyn got a clothes steamer from her beloved. Sally got windshield wipers. Julie got a blender. And Robyn’s Christmas gift was a humidifier “to help her sinuses.” (The fact that she bought her husband two airline tickets to Colorado rubbed salt into the wounding exchange.)
Then there’s the “disguised criticism” category. That’s how I’d classify the exercise bike Debbie received as well as the bucket of car cleaning products presented to Melissa.
A few entries fell into “whose-gift-is-this-anyway?” category. That would include Teri’s gift of new tires for the van he drives, and Pamela’s bench grinder.
And let’s not overlook the “bad taste” category.
Carly Jo asked her then boyfriend for something sparkly, and he gave her sparkling water.
Dale’s husband bought her sexy underwear that was so skimpy she couldn’t figure out what it was or what it was supposed to cover. Neither could the sales clerk when she returned it.
Then there’s Molly, who wins in the “female-giving” subcategory. She gave her husband a portable bidet and sent me a photo to prove it.
But Jenny is the grand prize winner. She got a break-up note, on her birthday, no less, which has to go down as the worst gift of all time. But there’s a brighter side. She’s now engaged to someone else, and she’s getting a free copy of “Husbands: An Owner’s Manual.”
Happy Valentine’s Day, and thanks to all who submitted entries.