The often wed Zsa Zsa Gabor, whose marriage advice I quoted on July 10, believed that marriage was a pleasant and remunerative occupation that should be pursued as frequently as possible.

Roseanne Barr, despite her self-anointed title of “domestic goddess,” takes the opposite approach. Here are some of her best quotes on the topic.

“I screamed a lot, but it was better than firearms.”

“I’m not upset about my divorce. I’m only upset I’m not a widow.”

“You may marry the man of your dreams, but 14 years later, you’re married to a couch that burps.”

“My husband and I didn’t sign a premarital agreement.  We signed a suicide pact.”

“Take this marriage thing seriously.  It has to last all the way to divorce.”

“I figure if the kids are still alive at the end of the day, then hey, I’ve done my job.”

“I’m never going to get married again. Three strikes, you’re out.  I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison. . .”

While she may not make it legal, Barr has been with her current boyfriend Johnny Argent since 2003. They live on a macadamia nut farm in Hawaii.

Where do you stand? Are you with Zsa Zsa — keep trying till you get it right?  Or Roseanne — quit while you’re ahead?

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